Speak Up. Stand Tall.

Many people outside of an abusive relationship often don't understand why a victim doesn't just leave. I have covered the topic of exactly why it isn't always as simple as breaking up-- or moving out in the case the victim is already living with their abuser-- in a former blog post ( click here! ) but today I really want to discuss in depth one of the lesser thought of factors. I mentioned in last week's post, What is the Cycle of Abuse,  that the abuse cycle can bring on something known as 'traumatic bonding.' This is something most abuse victims, myself included, fall to unknowingly.   In his book The Abusive Personality: Violence and Control in Intimate Relationships , Donald Dutton writes, "This process [traumatic bonding] is an attachment to the abuser formed by the prior power differential in the relationship coupled with intermittent abuse. The result is a powerful attachment bond that begins to operate on the abuse victim with time away from the a...

Chapter Four of The Abusive Personality: Violence and Control in Intimate Relationships  by Donald G. Dutton starts with the author looking back on past interviews, writing, "As I look now at the interview notes I took from female partners of our clients, the phrases jump off the page at me: "He's like two different people," "He's like Jekyll and Hyde," "He's completely different sometimes..."" These continue on finishing with the phrase, "He's like living on an emotional roller coaster." 'The Cycle of Violence,' or 'The Cycle of Abuse,' was something I learned about after leaving my abusive ex. And it is something I want to share more because I remember thinking "This explains so much."  The chart to the right is one of the more detailed versions of this cycle which can be seen in three stages-- occasionally more, but these three encompass the big points. These stages explain what the auth...

I hope everyone is having a fantastic week! I have decided this year that I want to branch out a little in my blog and while the focus will still stay on teen dating abuse and domestic violence, I want to touch on topics such as mental health and my own life as I move forward as a survivor. 2019 marks my third year out of an abusive relationship, but more importantly, it marks my third year of building myself up and becoming more confident. This year, I think my word is decidedly confidence -- and it's shown up a few times in just these first few weeks. Even three years out of the relationship with my abuser, there are still lingering wounds. One of these has been affecting me for far too long and I finally found it within myself to address it. Something my abuser used to do very often was threaten to leave me whenever he was slightly upset with me. While he sadly never carried through on this threat, it really managed to tear me down. I would look at the years I put into th...

The New Year is always an incredibly exciting time, both to look forward to the future and reflect on the past. 2018 was such a big year for my platform, Speak Up Stand Tall, and I'd really like to look back on all the amazing things I've been able to do and be part of. First of all, last year in February I started this blog! And it got a lot of things moving. Because of my blogging, I was able to see the need for people like myself to speak out or risk being silenced. I also saw how much support poured in to lift me up in some of the darkest moments. With my actual speaking program, I was able to talk to so many wonderful teens! The first of these was at the Clarksville Public Library on May 3rd. This was so important as I saw which areas of my program I wanted to build on and this helped exponentially when I spoke at the Clarksville Department of Parks and Recreation's summer programs! Those were by far the largest groups I have seen so far, and while I was incredibly...