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My Confidence and Me

I hope everyone is having a fantastic week! I have decided this year that I want to branch out a little in my blog and while the focus will still stay on teen dating abuse and domestic violence, I want to touch on topics such as mental health and my own life as I move forward as a survivor. 2019 marks my third year out of an abusive relationship, but more importantly, it marks my third year of building myself up and becoming more confident. This year, I think my word is decidedly confidence-- and it's shown up a few times in just these first few weeks.

Even three years out of the relationship with my abuser, there are still lingering wounds. One of these has been affecting me for far too long and I finally found it within myself to address it. Something my abuser used to do very often was threaten to leave me whenever he was slightly upset with me. While he sadly never carried through on this threat, it really managed to tear me down. I would look at the years I put into the relationship and think it was worth nothing to him since he was willing to drop it all at a moment's aggravation-- meaning I was so meaningless he would leave me over stupid little things. It has only been recently that I've realized that this thought process has carried over, not just with the relationship with my boyfriend but with friends. Whenever I think someone I care about is slightly mad at me, I have a strong fear that they'll just decide I'm not worth the trouble and leave... but that's never been the case. Why? Because to my friends and to my boyfriend, I am worth more and an argument or disagreement isn't going to change that.

So why do I still feel this way? I have to link it back to my confidence. I haven't been seeing myself in the right light and that's something I want to change. It's something I think many abuse victims and survivors deal with, and it's something that I believe you really have to address straight on. I plan to do just that, to see myself as the people around me do and not the skewed way that still sometimes pops into my head.

Of course, it hasn't only been my relationships that have been affected by this confidence issue. For a while, I haven't felt confident in myself to pursue what I really want to do with my life. My goal going into university was to go through to get a doctoral degree in English and teach college. But for a while, I was sidetracked by the possibility that maybe I wasn't cut out for what I wanted to do. This is something I have also addressed in my life, and after doing so I feel a lot of peace. Even though I know the years of education may not be easy... I know I can do it and I am looking forward to it.

Sucess.com outlines a few 'mental hacks' to be more confident with oneself. The two that I am leaning towards the most are these: overcome self-doubt and face your fears. Those are two things I will be working towards this year as I continue on, and I encourage everyone reading this to do the same! There are things in life to overcome, whether it's doubt or insecurity or fear. And once it's addressed, you can move forward.

To me, confidence is believing in oneself. It's knowing your own worth and accepting the good qualities. This year, that is what I want to do.



If you know any organization (scouts, church, etc.) that would like to have me speak on Teen Dating Abuse, please contact me through my website here with your email address. To keep up with updates on this blog please feel free to hit the subscribe button in the top right corner to be alerted to new posts every Thursday. Have something you would like to know more about in the future? Leave a comment and I'll do my best to answer right away! Remember, the first step in solving the problem of teen dating abuse is awareness!
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