Speaking Out Against Abuse

With everything that has been happening within the world in this past year, I think this subject has come into the light of importance-- where it should be. Speaking out against abuse isn't easy. Some might wonder why a survivor of abuse wouldn't wish to name their abuser and see justice done, and there are quite a few reasons, some of which I have spoken about before. If the abuser is still in the picture, it can be dangerous. The survivor might fear retribution-- something I feared when I first began speaking about my experience within an abusive relationship given I was still in the same area of my abuser and saw him regularly. Even if the abuser isn't still in the survivor's life, they may not wish to approach the subject because it's a painful topic or because they're embarrassed by what they went through-- even though there is nothing for a survivor to feel embarrassed or ashamed of. This isn't me trying to make survivors feel bad about not speaking out before. This is me saying why speaking out is something a survivor should do now.

One benefit of speaking out is a personal one. After being in an abusive relationship-- or after an experience like assault or rape-- someone might more easily remove themselves from interactions and isolate. Even if they don't, something as heavy as an experience such as the mentioned ones would be undeniably burdensome. Speaking out-- to a family member, a friend, or a counselor-- is a step at relieving that. It's hard at first. When I started talking about my four years with my abuser, I cried. A lot. But as time went on, I felt lighter whenever I spoke about my experience. Not only was I getting relief from the understanding and support of those around me, but I also gained power over that situation. Talking about it gave me a sense of control and understanding. A feeling that I was taking my life back by acknowledging what happened, and by not having my abuser stand in my way of telling the truth.

I also felt like I was making the best of the worst by helping others. There is no way to change the past. And that's something I have had to accept. But I can use what I went through to help others. That has been a somewhat relief to me, and I feel as though that's another benefit of speaking against abuse-- a benefit to others. I always ask the people who read my blog to share it because you never know who needs to read it. Most people would not have thought I needed to read an article about abuse... but I sometimes I wonder if I had read about what I was going through and saw it labeled as abuse if that would make me see things more clearly. Something I think people don't realize is within an abusive relationship, victims do not always see it as abuse. I never associated that word with my situation until I was looking back. To me, abuse only happened with people who lived together. It only happened if someone got hit, or worse. Now I have the chance to tell teenagers what to look out for, what abuse really looks like. I have the ability to help now, whether that is preventative in pointing out warning signs or helping a realization that someone needs to get out of an abusive relationship or even providing resources of how to safely break up with an abuser-- something that isn't easy, not as a teenager or as an adult. To me, there is nothing more healing than knowing I can help.

Speaking out isn't always easy. And while it is incredibly beneficial in the long run, it can be incredibly hard. I had a lot of backlash within the first year of starting my blog. My abuser and those close to him weren't happy that I was speaking out. They went through great lengths to try to silence me. Some tried to blame the abuse on me or claimed that it never happened. People turned their backs on me. But during that time, I had more support from those who mattered in my life. And since then, I've found more who support me and my mission to spread awareness.

Overall, the benefits of speaking out-- both for one's own self and for those around them-- far outweighs the downfall. Not everyone will like what you have to say, but those who care about you will be there to help support you. And those who know what it's like will be there to support you as well. I encourage anyone who is safely able to speak out to do so. Spread the word, inform those around you. Together, we can help teach our communities about abuse and help those who might be experiencing what we have gone through.

If you know any organization (scouts, church, etc.) that would like to have a speaker on Teen Dating Abuse, please contact me through my website here with your email address. To keep up with updates on this blog please feel free to hit the subscribe button in the top right corner to be alerted to new posts every Thursday. Have something you would like to know more about in the future? Leave a comment and I'll do my best to answer right away! Remember, the first step in solving the problem of teen dating abuse is awareness!