Skip to main content

Speaking Out Against Abuse

With everything that has been happening within the world in this past year, I think this subject has come into the light of importance-- where it should be. Speaking out against abuse isn't easy. Some might wonder why a survivor of abuse wouldn't wish to name their abuser and see justice done, and there are quite a few reasons, some of which I have spoken about before. If the abuser is still in the picture, it can be dangerous. The survivor might fear retribution-- something I feared when I first began speaking about my experience within an abusive relationship given I was still in the same area of my abuser and saw him regularly. Even if the abuser isn't still in the survivor's life, they may not wish to approach the subject because it's a painful topic or because they're embarrassed by what they went through-- even though there is nothing for a survivor to feel embarrassed or ashamed of. This isn't me trying to make survivors feel bad about not speaking out before. This is me saying why speaking out is something a survivor should do now.

One benefit of speaking out is a personal one. After being in an abusive relationship-- or after an experience like assault or rape-- someone might more easily remove themselves from interactions and isolate. Even if they don't, something as heavy as an experience such as the mentioned ones would be undeniably burdensome. Speaking out-- to a family member, a friend, or a counselor-- is a step at relieving that. It's hard at first. When I started talking about my four years with my abuser, I cried. A lot. But as time went on, I felt lighter whenever I spoke about my experience. Not only was I getting relief from the understanding and support of those around me, but I also gained power over that situation. Talking about it gave me a sense of control and understanding. A feeling that I was taking my life back by acknowledging what happened, and by not having my abuser stand in my way of telling the truth.

I also felt like I was making the best of the worst by helping others. There is no way to change the past. And that's something I have had to accept. But I can use what I went through to help others. That has been a somewhat relief to me, and I feel as though that's another benefit of speaking against abuse-- a benefit to others. I always ask the people who read my blog to share it because you never know who needs to read it. Most people would not have thought I needed to read an article about abuse... but I sometimes I wonder if I had read about what I was going through and saw it labeled as abuse if that would make me see things more clearly. Something I think people don't realize is within an abusive relationship, victims do not always see it as abuse. I never associated that word with my situation until I was looking back. To me, abuse only happened with people who lived together. It only happened if someone got hit, or worse. Now I have the chance to tell teenagers what to look out for, what abuse really looks like. I have the ability to help now, whether that is preventative in pointing out warning signs or helping a realization that someone needs to get out of an abusive relationship or even providing resources of how to safely break up with an abuser-- something that isn't easy, not as a teenager or as an adult. To me, there is nothing more healing than knowing I can help.

Speaking out isn't always easy. And while it is incredibly beneficial in the long run, it can be incredibly hard. I had a lot of backlash within the first year of starting my blog. My abuser and those close to him weren't happy that I was speaking out. They went through great lengths to try to silence me. Some tried to blame the abuse on me or claimed that it never happened. People turned their backs on me. But during that time, I had more support from those who mattered in my life. And since then, I've found more who support me and my mission to spread awareness.

Overall, the benefits of speaking out-- both for one's own self and for those around them-- far outweighs the downfall. Not everyone will like what you have to say, but those who care about you will be there to help support you. And those who know what it's like will be there to support you as well. I encourage anyone who is safely able to speak out to do so. Spread the word, inform those around you. Together, we can help teach our communities about abuse and help those who might be experiencing what we have gone through.

If you know any organization (scouts, church, etc.) that would like to have a speaker on Teen Dating Abuse, please contact me through my website here with your email address. To keep up with updates on this blog please feel free to hit the subscribe button in the top right corner to be alerted to new posts every Thursday. Have something you would like to know more about in the future? Leave a comment and I'll do my best to answer right away! Remember, the first step in solving the problem of teen dating abuse is awareness!
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Abuse is like Shoes

“Abusive behavior erodes a person slowly. Imagine a pair of shoes whose soles are so worn there are holes in each. When they came out of the box fresh and new no one would have imagined their tatted state. Yet over time, it happens; they are walked on day in and day out, feet dragged and scuffed, tread marks over pavement, which wears down the layers until one day later they are not recognizable.” -Elin Waldal, “Tornado Weather: A Memoir of Teen Dating Violence and It’s Effec t on a Woman’s Life” I've had this pair of converse since I was in seventh grade. I remember the day I finally talked my mother into getting them for me-- they were the start of my whole collection of converse. To this day, I collect and wear this awesome brand of shoes, but this, my first pair, has been put to the side. As you can probably see, they're dingy and falling apart. What you can't see is how horribly worn down the insides and bottoms are.  I didn't buy these shoes falling a...
1 comment
Read more

Mythbusting Abuse : Is It Easy to Leave?

Usually, when I think of myths, I think of mythology. Greek or Roman or even Norse. When I think of myths, I think of things that were believed thousands of years ago, stories about Zeus turning his lover into a cow or Heracles' acts to please the goddess Hera. In high school, I was rather familiar with myths. I was in a club called Junior Classical League, and while the Latin language was the primary objective, culture and myths were my interests. I won a couple ribbons for mythology-- never first but never fifth either. Usually forth, if I'm honest. I still try to keep my knowledge growing. Last year, I took a semester class on the subject. I even have a book on Greco-Roman mythology that I crack open now and then. What I don't think of when I hear the word myths is myths about abuse. Or at least, I didn't use to. The fact is that, as a survivor of abuse, I encounter a lot of people who discount my experience because 'if it was that bad, you could have left...
Post a Comment
Read more

My Experience with Counseling

I think that going to a counselor was one of the best things I did after exiting the abusive relationship I was involved in. It wasn't something I had really considered, and I am not sure if it was something I would have gone to without being pushed. After something such as an abusive relationship, it's hard to figure out exactly what to do. I had kept so many things to myself, both out of shame and fear. I would never have thought to go tell all of what I felt to someone I didn't know. Moreover, I wasn't exactly in the headspace to make good decisions. I was in a spiral. I honestly don't remember much of the time directly after ending my relationship, but I do remember the first day I went to see my first counselor. I had a sort of block class-- meaning it was two separate classes that fit together with the same teacher. I had missed the first of them, having hidden in the courtyard of the science building to cry. I did come to the second part though. I didn...
2 comments
Read more