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Stalking in an Abusive Relationship

Stalking is something that many abuse victims deal with and something that I myself dealt with at the end of my relationship with my abuser. Being stalked by my abuser was something I never considered. I already was communicating with him constantly, but a college setting was far different than that of high school and with my abuser at work half the day, I suppose he was worried about what I might do in a more open environment without his 'supervision.'

The first time I knew something was off was when I got a text asking "why are you at the library?" I had not mentioned I was going, having just needed to use a printer-- and really it wasn't something I needed to mention at all, but that's a point for a post on healthy versus unhealthy relationships. In any case, I wanted to know how he knew where I was, given he was at work. I got no answer, just more questions. This behavior continued on, and his constant knowledge of where I was started eating at me. It was…
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What is Love Bombing? + Updates

Finally getting back to the blog after a long hiatus. Since I've written, I have graduated from my bachelor's program and have a spot waiting for me in the graduate program with a GA position! I was also interviewed about my blog for the university newspaper, The All State, which was incredibly exciting. In addition, two weeks ago, I was able to talk to the teens at my church about teen dating abuse which went wonderfully. I'm glad that despite my overwhelming writers block, I've still been able to spread awareness!

This week I want to dive back in, though, starting with love bombing. Psychology Today writer,
Suzanne Degges-White, defined love bombing by saying, "love bombing is the practice of overwhelming someone with signs of adoration and attraction — think flattering comments, tokens of affection, or love notes on the mirror, kitchen table, or windshield, and you’re beginning to get the picture." I'm sharing this video in particular because I think …

More on Verbal Abuse

Verbal abuse is a harsh reality that isn't spoken about as much as it should be. In fact, verbal abuse is the most under-reported form of abuse though it is also incredibly damaging. As a former victim of verbal abuse, I can say it has long-lasting effects. Being put down every day by someone you care for can begin wearing you down, and usually, the victim will begin believing what the abuser says.
This video is a good quick rundown of what verbal abuse is as well as warning signs you may see in the early stages of the relationship. These include: withholding, brushing comments off as 'jokes,' blocking and diverting, threatening, and name-calling. I had to deal with all of these behaviors over my four-year relationship, but I never thought I was being abused-- I didn't know someone could be verbally abusive. I always brushed it off as 'he's having a bad day' or blamed his behavior on myself. Abuse victims shouldn't feel at blame for what their abuser d…

An Account of Abuse Against Men

For this week, I wanted to share this video by BBC 3. I often think I don't speak specifically enough about abuse against men given that was not my experience so when I find sources like this, I am always eager to include them.

This is an incredibly moving account including video footage taken by police on site. The victim's girlfriend both physically and mentally abused him over the course of three years, keeping him isolated from friends and family. I'm very glad that in this account the male victim was taken seriously as some people try to discount or discredit the very notion of women abusing their male significant others. This sort of thing is very real, and it is people like this who speak up who have the ability to show the world what can happen. Please take time to watch and share this video-- you never know who you might help.

If you know any organization (scouts, church, etc.) that would like to have a speaker on Teen Dating Abuse, please contact me through my we…

Speaking Out Against Abuse

With everything that has been happening within the world in this past year, I think this subject has come into the light of importance-- where it should be. Speaking out against abuse isn't easy. Some might wonder why a survivor of abuse wouldn't wish to name their abuser and see justice done, and there are quite a few reasons, some of which I have spoken about before. If the abuser is still in the picture, it can be dangerous. The survivor might fear retribution-- something I feared when I first began speaking about my experience within an abusive relationship given I was still in the same area of my abuser and saw him regularly. Even if the abuser isn't still in the survivor's life, they may not wish to approach the subject because it's a painful topic or because they're embarrassed by what they went through-- even though there is nothing for a survivor to feel embarrassed or ashamed of. This isn't me trying to make survivors feel bad about not speaking …

A Little About Codependency

Happy Thursday everyone! This week is pretty busy for me with my courses picking up and trying to prepare for graduation in May (already), but I still wanted to share something. I have been wanting to talk more about codependency and being codependent. I think that this video by SciShow Psych explains the basic points of codependency in a relationship rather well, and I really wanted to share it with all of you.

Codependency refers to a certain amount of attachments and behaviors, and according to SciShow Psych, it is also referred to in three other ways: relationship dependency, emotional dependency, or obsessive love. It is also referred to by another term, which I have used before-- addictive love. If you would like to read my previous post, click here!This video talks about things I didn't get to touch on, such as the Love Attitude Scale, which is something both interesting and, I think, important as it is supposed to be able to tell a person if they are codependent. This vid…

What is Traumatic Bonding?

Many people outside of an abusive relationship often don't understand why a victim doesn't just leave. I have covered the topic of exactly why it isn't always as simple as breaking up-- or moving out in the case the victim is already living with their abuser-- in a former blog post (click here!) but today I really want to discuss in depth one of the lesser thought of factors. I mentioned in last week's post, What is the Cycle of Abuse, that the abuse cycle can bring on something known as 'traumatic bonding.' This is something most abuse victims, myself included, fall to unknowingly.

In his book The Abusive Personality: Violence and Control in Intimate Relationships, Donald Dutton writes, "This process [traumatic bonding] is an attachment to the abuser formed by the prior power differential in the relationship coupled with intermittent abuse. The result is a powerful attachment bond that begins to operate on the abuse victim with time away from the abuser. N…