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Stalking in an Abusive Relationship

Stalking is something that many abuse victims deal with and something that I myself dealt with at the end of my relationship with my abuser. Being stalked by my abuser was something I never considered. I already was communicating with him constantly, but a college setting was far different than that of high school and with my abuser at work half the day, I suppose he was worried about what I might do in a more open environment without his 'supervision.'

The first time I knew something was off was when I got a text asking "why are you at the library?" I had not mentioned I was going, having just needed to use a printer-- and really it wasn't something I needed to mention at all, but that's a point for a post on healthy versus unhealthy relationships. In any case, I wanted to know how he knew where I was, given he was at work. I got no answer, just more questions. This behavior continued on, and his constant knowledge of where I was started eating at me. It was strange and the lack of trust he had in me, to think I was 'up to something' when I only went to the school, my job, and home, was even more stressful. He would never tell me how he knew where I was or why he needed to know.

I was only with my abuser for a month once we were in college. For a variety of reasons, I broke things off, and despite how broken I felt over it... it was relieving. But things didn't stop there. I soon found out who had been giving my abuser information on my whereabouts on campus. A woman-- one my abuser had been cheating on me with-- had been watching me and kept it up after the break-up. After my World Literature class, one of my male classmates offered to walk me to my car after I had told him about my breakup and expressed fear of running into my ex. I accepted, later receiving a text from this woman (who I never gave my number to) accusing me of holding his hand and flirting, neither of which I had done, but it gave me an answer. She had been the one stalking me and reporting back to my abuser.

In the proceeding weeks, she would come by the office I worked in on campus and call asking if I was there. I was excused from the job for the rest of the semester and, after the promise of legal repercussions should the activity continue, I stopped receiving any word that I was being stalked. However, I was left in a heavy state of paranoia which kept me in my home more often than not, rejecting invitations to leave for quite a few months. My mother drove me to campus and picked me up to bring me home, and I found friends to walk with me from one building to the next.

Even though my experience was certainly not a severe case, it was still incredibly scary and I didn't feel safe. I share this because when most people think of stalking incidents, they think of things that are more severe and ignore little things like this. However, these little things left unchecked can lead to far worse. Moreover, I think it's important to know that an abuser can use the means of other people to stalk their victim as well as cyberstalking methods. I hope to cover cyberstalking in depth later but it can involve using social media platforms-- such as Snapchat and Facebook-- as well as GPS tracking and geo-tagging in order to keep tabs on a victim. Over texting can also be considered a form of cyberstalking, especially with demands of where the victim is.

Break the Silence DV (www.breakthesilencedv.org) shares the statistic that "current or former partners stalk victims at a rate of 61% for women and 44% for men" and "57% of intimate partner stalking victims experienced the onset of stalking during the relationship or as an immediate response to ending the relationship." This issue is no joke and needs to be taken seriously. If you are dealing with a stalking situation, don't deal with it alone. Call the police and alert those close to you so they are aware of the situation.

If you know any organization (scouts, church, etc.) that would like to have a speaker on Teen Dating Abuse, please contact me through my website here with your email address. To keep up with updates on this blog please feel free to hit the subscribe button in the top right corner to be alerted to new posts every Thursday. Have something you would like to know more about in the future? Leave a comment and I'll do my best to answer right away! Remember, the first step in solving the problem of teen dating abuse is awareness!
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