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What is Addictive Love?

Factors such as pop culture have portrayed overbearing love, a toxic picture that is incredibly impressionable. Addictive love, according to In Love and in Danger: A Teen's Guide to Breaking Free of Relationship Abuse, is one of two possibilities in a blooming romantic relationship that can lead to real trouble. While author Barrie Levy MSW notes that every relationship experiencing addictive love is not abusive, there is a much higher risk that it will become abusive. These relationships are defined by controlling behaviors, and the addiction is visible from both sides.

Are you suffering from addictive love? 

If you believe you cannot live without your significant other, you are suffering from addictive love. You might be hurt, and you might miss your boyfriend or girlfriend if they were gone, but you would be able to move forward. A belief that you cannot live without another person is unhealthy for you and your significant other and can lead to codependence. 

If you are ignoring or excusing violence, you are suffering from addictive love. You may excuse abuse or violence towards yourself because you are afraid that your abuser will leave you, or that you will be alone. I can tell you that if your significant other is abusing you, you are better off without them. In the moment it may not seem that way, and as I said before, it may hurt to let go, but what you are experiencing is not love. Reconnect with friends and family, let them support you. You will not be alone.  

If you have fewer happy times and more time arguing, apologizing, getting angry, or being afraid, you are suffering from addictive love. This was something I personally went through with my abuser. I was hardly ever happy when I was around him. We were arguing all the time, I was apologizing all the time. He was angry at me, I was afraid of him. This was incredibly unhealthy, and if I had known then what I do now, I would have left as soon as I realized I no longer was having any happy times with him. Waiting it out does not work; being a teenager in a relationship where you feel miserable is not worth it. As my mom told me, "When you're dating, you're supposed to be having fun. These are supposed to be the good times." Furthering your relationship with someone who doesn't make you happy will not improve your relationship, it will only drag it further down.  

If you try to control your significant other more and more, you are suffering from addictive love. And you are heading into abusive territory. You might be afraid of losing your boyfriend or girlfriend, but using controlling or manipulative behavior will not help you. Using force or fear tactics, constantly calling or texting to 'check up,' and guilting your significant other for spending time with friends instead of you is toxic, and it is harmful to both parties. Do not be that kind of person. Realize that love is nurturing, supportive, and mutually beneficial. If you cannot provide that, take a step back and take time to work on yourself. 

These are only a few signs that you are suffering from what is known as 'addictive love,' but I believe these examples paint a pretty good picture of what to look out for. As I said, love is supposed to be nuturing. You may argue, but you compromise-- and moreover, it isn't an all the time thing. If you love someone, you want them to grow as a person and moreover, you want them to be happy. Alone time is respected, as is the fact that your significant other has a life, activities, and friends that don't always involve you. Love is not destructive, and it is not addictive.

If you know any organization (scouts, church, etc.) that would like to have me speak on Teen Dating Abuse, please contact me through my website here with your email address. To keep up with updates on this blog please feel free to hit the subscribe button in the top right corner to be alerted to new posts every Monday. Have something you would like to know more about in the future? Leave a comment and I'll do my best to answer right away! Remember, the first step in solving the problem of teen dating abuse is awareness!
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