A blog to keep up with my advocacy and my work within the community! My name is Ashley Cash. I am a Junior in university and an English major. For half of my teen years, I was a victim of dating abuse. I am a survivor of that time, and now I am a stronger woman. I want to help the community around me, and everyone I can reach, by raising awareness about teen dating abuse. I also work with a depression support group and a really cool group called Ladies of War!
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Another Story of Teen Dating Abuse - Illymation
One thing I think is really important to spreading awareness about teen dating abuse-- or any abuse-- is not just sharing one story. Abuse comes in many forms and every case is different. Sometimes, that makes it hard for people, especially teenagers, to understand what is happening to them is abuse. I have mentioned before that a lot of people, myself included at a young age, think that an abuser is someone who inflicts physical damage such as slapping or punching. However, the truth is that abuse comes in a wide variety of hateful behaviors. Physical abuse, emotional/mental abuse, verbal abuse, digital abuse, and sexual abuse. While I have described my experience dealing with all of these, it hardly covers the topic. As I said, every case is different. I've talked to other survivors and we all have different stories, usually with some commonalities, but never exactly the same. There is no sheet to show 'this is exactly what abuse looks like.' Sometimes it's easy to spot the warning signs and sometimes it isn't. Sometimes it's easy to leave and sometimes it's not. Sometimes all the victim receives is verbal abuse that tears them apart, and sometimes every category appears in the description of the relationship.
I saw the animation How I Met My Abusive (ex) Boyfriend on my suggested videos list in October. At the time, I knew I wanted to share it but I also wanted to wait for part two to come out. How I Left My Abusive (ex) Boyfriend was posted as I was getting ready for exams and I am happy to return to blogging by sharing this. There are so few first-hand accounts of teen dating abuse, and this case is far different from mine. And that is why it is especially important to share. Teenagers in this day and age have access to the world at their fingertips, and that opens them up to abuse not only by those around them but those that they don't even know. I encourage you to take time to watch both videos. While they do have explicatives, given the subject matter and what the animator went through, I can hardly say they aren't warranted (and there aren't many). Overall, I see this as a survivor being empowered to tell her story and to touch lives. With over two million views on the second of these videos, I think she has definitely helped a lot of people.
If you know any organization (scouts, church, etc.) that would like to have me speak on Teen Dating Abuse, please contact me through my website here with your email address. To keep up with updates on this blog please feel free to hit the subscribe button in the top right corner to be alerted to new posts every Monday. Have something you would like to know more about in the future? Leave a comment and I'll do my best to answer right away! Remember, the first step in solving the problem of teen dating abuse is awareness!
Many people outside of an abusive relationship often don't understand why a victim doesn't just leave. I have covered the topic of exactly why it isn't always as simple as breaking up-- or moving out in the case the victim is already living with their abuser-- in a former blog post ( click here! ) but today I really want to discuss in depth one of the lesser thought of factors. I mentioned in last week's post, What is the Cycle of Abuse, that the abuse cycle can bring on something known as 'traumatic bonding.' This is something most abuse victims, myself included, fall to unknowingly. In his book The Abusive Personality: Violence and Control in Intimate Relationships , Donald Dutton writes, "This process [traumatic bonding] is an attachment to the abuser formed by the prior power differential in the relationship coupled with intermittent abuse. The result is a powerful attachment bond that begins to operate on the abuse victim with time away from the a...
I think that going to a counselor was one of the best things I did after exiting the abusive relationship I was involved in. It wasn't something I had really considered, and I am not sure if it was something I would have gone to without being pushed. After something such as an abusive relationship, it's hard to figure out exactly what to do. I had kept so many things to myself, both out of shame and fear. I would never have thought to go tell all of what I felt to someone I didn't know. Moreover, I wasn't exactly in the headspace to make good decisions. I was in a spiral. I honestly don't remember much of the time directly after ending my relationship, but I do remember the first day I went to see my first counselor. I had a sort of block class-- meaning it was two separate classes that fit together with the same teacher. I had missed the first of them, having hidden in the courtyard of the science building to cry. I did come to the second part though. I didn...
With everything that has been happening within the world in this past year, I think this subject has come into the light of importance-- where it should be. Speaking out against abuse isn't easy . Some might wonder why a survivor of abuse wouldn't wish to name their abuser and see justice done, and there are quite a few reasons, some of which I have spoken about before. If the abuser is still in the picture, it can be dangerous. The survivor might fear retribution-- something I feared when I first began speaking about my experience within an abusive relationship given I was still in the same area of my abuser and saw him regularly. Even if the abuser isn't still in the survivor's life, they may not wish to approach the subject because it's a painful topic or because they're embarrassed by what they went through-- even though there is nothing for a survivor to feel embarrassed or ashamed of. This isn't me trying to make survivors feel bad about not speaking...
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