A Brief Review on a Really Good Book

You may remember the title Tornado Warning from my post 'Abuse is like Shoes.' I found this book in a desperate search to find memoirs of people who went through what I did, people who are survivors of teen dating abuse. I thought that maybe reading other people's stories would help me as I talk to teenagers so I would have a more rounded view on the subject with an added perspective. What I didn't realize was that reading this would touch me so much, make me self-reflect on each and every page. Occasionally I had to stop when I found myself in tears. While Elin Stebbins Waldal's situation was much different than mine-- her abuse being centered more towards physical, and having made the mistake of moving in with her abuser-- there are the same basic truths that will ring out to any survivor of abuse.

My bought used book is now dogeared and dripping in pink ink-- my color of choice. I have never before marked up a book that wasn't for school, but only two pages in, I realized I was going to need to make an exception. The first thing I underlined was in the introduction: "The incipience of abuse is not fully detectable; hooks are planted so deeply in your skin that your body adjusts to the feel of them." I had to stop at that. The truth of these words is immeasurable. It's the concept of complacency that I so often dog myself over with how could you let this happen to yourself? But this quote also made it easier for me to understand myself at that age because even after two years, there are times I still find myself questioning the decisions I made as a child. Only a few lines further, I underlined another sentence. "No one should have to live in fear." I think that should be a truth of life. No one should have to live in fear, no one should have the feeling that they need to look over their shoulder, no one should have to deal with abuse in their life.

The book fully titled Tornado Warning: A Memoir of Teen Dating Violence and It's Effect on a Woman's Life, is a mix of diary entries from Waldal's time in her relationship and her reflections on her experiences looking back, as well as some well-placed memories. My favorite part of this layout is the way she marks the diary chapters from the reflections. A destroyed flower with its petals flying off (much like the cover) is what shows the beginning of each chapter of abuse, while a perfectly intact one is the signal for a chapter of where she is now. A teenager who was destroyed, beaten down, at times afraid for her life, has now blossomed into a woman and a mother who understands her experience and wishes to share her story. She is a role model to someone like me with the ability to wear her heart on her sleeve and speak up about what happened in her life.

I can't tell you which chapters I liked better, the narrative of her life as told through the journal-- pages I marked with arrows labeled 'red flag' and 'controlling tactic' as I saw things my abuser used to do. On the bottom of one page I wrote 'she tries to walk away, he sees his anger isn't working, changes methods.' It reminded me so much of what I went through myself. It was, in a way, eye-opening. However, the chapters written in current time were where the really insightful statements came in. The quote about abuse being like shoes came from one of the reflections. Some of these were longer than others, one of the most moving to me being about triggers. I cried over that page as she described a boy she was with (after her abuser) tickling her, how she felt suddenly trapped and told him off. I remembered my first attempt at having a boyfriend, how I flinched whenever he tried to touch me. She went on to talk about loud noises setting her off, and I remembered tensing up at a church my family was visiting because the pastor raised his voice for a moment. I still tense up whenever someone-- a friend, a professor, one of my parents-- has a raised voice and the ache in my shoulders is the price paid for my inability to relax.

Even though there are points of Waldal's own philosophy I don't agree with and wouldn't align with my own, they don't take away in the slightest from this read. It is one of the only memoirs I have been able to find depicting the journey of a teen dating abuse/violence survivor. Most other books are either guidebooks (of which I have a couple, to be reviewed at a later date) or they aren't non-fiction. And while I think fictional stories depicting the subject of abuse and teen dating violence are incredibly important, I think reading the real thing is a whole other world. The ability to step into someone else's life, to realize that I am not alone in what I have suffered, was incredibly freeing. To any other survivors or recovering victims of teen dating abuse or any relationship abuse, I encourage you to find a copy of Tornado Warning. It is a life changer. And please remember, you are never alone.