Whenever I read about the period after an abusive relationship, I always see something about health and how you should make it a larger priority in your life. In the article Healing After Abuse by PsychCentral it says, "You will feel less dependent on abusive people when you can recognize your own needs and take care of them... This is the time to nourish your body with healthy food and exercise." I think that this is an incredibly important thing to point out, especially because of what I personally went through during and after my relationship with my abuser. I do think that the wording is a bit off in this article, though-- I don't think it's the lack of recognition of needs, but the ability to see it's time to take care of yourself rather than focus on what your abuser wants from you. You no longer have to account for your abuser's opinion, you no longer have to worry about your abuser asking who you're trying to look good for if you start taking care of yourself physically.
When I was with my abuser, I was at my worst physically. I always felt sick, I didn't want to move around and stayed in bed a lot, I didn't sleep enough, and I tended to eat too much (or too little). This was because of the amount of stress I was going through because of him. Stress can lead to a lot of health issues, and a lot of complications-- such as feeling sick with stomachaches or headaches, feeling lethargic, and weight gain or loss. Even after breaking up with him, I had a lot of complications from stress. I felt too sick to my stomach to eat and lost a good amount of the excess weight I had gained, but not in a healthy way. I was still lethargic, and I couldn't sleep most nights as I began sorting out my feelings, as I began to recognize what all had happened. I didn't have much to go on with how to take care of myself after ignoring my own needs for so long, so here's a list of tips on how to make your health a priority after breaking up with an abuser.
1) Exercise. I start with this one because this was something I struggled with even until more recently. The thing is, exercising doesn't have to be rigorous. Go on a walk or do a little bit of yoga. Recently, I've been enjoying classes at my local gym-- which could be good for someone trying to socialize more after being secluded by an abuser. However, if you aren't up for being in crowded spaces or you just don't feel comfortable in a gym setting, YouTube is actually a great tool to use. You can find a lot of workout routines-- from simple/beginner to more advanced! I've started utilizing Youtube workouts a lot recently, from 80's aerobics (they have full-length programs) to Blogilates. Just one ten minute stretch routine a day can really help you towards a healthier routine.
2) Stay hydrated. Hydration is really important to the body, and getting enough water can change how you feel. The recommendation is eight 8-ounce glasses, but even starting with just half of that is good! You can also add fruit to your water-- like strawberries or peaches, grapes or cucumbers-- to make it a little more appealing. I try to drink eight ounces an hour which I think is a pretty good goal!
3) Get enough sleep. For adults, six to eight hours are recommended for a good nights sleep. When you're stressed, it can be hard to sleep in the first place-- I can definitely remember nights where I just couldn't get my thoughts to quiet down so I could get some rest. The exercise can come in handy here, or just developing a routine you're body can get used to. Before I go to sleep, I do a stretch routine and read for an hour with a mug of chamomile tea. I've heard other people say that they go through a prayer list, or write in a journal, or run a bath to relax for a half hour or so. I would not recommend melatonin, however, as it can make you feel depressed.
4) Eat right. Eating right can really affect your day to day life. This is not saying to go on a diet-- just as saying to exercise wasn't promoting boot camp-- but rather a reminder to look at what you are eating. Are you getting enough protein? Vitamins? Are you overeating, or not eating enough? It can be hard to keep track, but monitoring yourself so you get enough to eat can be really helpful. Try to eat three meals a day, too. Breakfast can be hard to catch, especially when getting up early, but if you have a blender you can make some really simple smoothies for a meal on the go or put some overnight oats in the refrigerator before you go to bed. Even a cup of dry cereal is better than nothing!
To me, these are the four most important tips to making health a top priority in your life moving forward from abuse. Exercise, hydration, sleep, and correct eating are things that can help you really make an impact on your life and your routine-- and after an abusive relationship, changing up your routine can be really helpful! If you want some more tips on going towards a healthier life, check out this video by Blogilates on Youtube. She talks a little about what I've already covered, but I think she makes some good points as well. It isn't specifically towards survivors of abuse, but it is for people in stressful positions. It's worth a few minutes to watch.
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