My Experience with Counseling

I think that going to a counselor was one of the best things I did after exiting the abusive relationship I was involved in. It wasn't something I had really considered, and I am not sure if it was something I would have gone to without being pushed.

After something such as an abusive relationship, it's hard to figure out exactly what to do. I had kept so many things to myself, both out of shame and fear. I would never have thought to go tell all of what I felt to someone I didn't know. Moreover, I wasn't exactly in the headspace to make good decisions. I was in a spiral. I honestly don't remember much of the time directly after ending my relationship, but I do remember the first day I went to see my first counselor.

I had a sort of block class-- meaning it was two separate classes that fit together with the same teacher. I had missed the first of them, having hidden in the courtyard of the science building to cry. I did come to the second part though. I didn't want to skip classes, but I also didn't want to embarrass myself. The professor in charge, a really nice instructor, joked with me about it, basically to say I shouldn't be skipping his class. I immediately broke down sobbing. It was exactly what I had hoped to avoid (and I still feel bad because the professor in question's face dropped). The professor quickly apologized and thought it might be best if the student mentor that was in our class took me to the counseling services on campus. I agreed only after I had tried to complete an assignment and relapsed into tears.

Student counseling services is a resource I cannot stress the importance of enough. Going there, having someone to talk to, and having someone to mediate the conversation between my mother and me when I decided I was ready to tell her some of the more private details of my relationship was something that was incredibly helpful. I was also able to put names on what was going on in my head. I was suffering from depression, high anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder. I never knew that PTSD could affect anyone but soldiers coming back from a war, but my counselor explained how it worked. What I had gone through had obviously been deeply traumatic. I was having nightmares, panic attacks, and was easily triggered by the smallest things. "It's like when a soldier who has been on a battlefield hears firecrackers," she told me, as well as my mother, "A part of you know it isn't the real deal, but the other part reacts as if it is."

Come December, my mother and I decided to seek out a counselor I could see more regularly as I was beginning to believe once a week might not be enough for everything I was dealing with mentally. After Christmas, I began seeing a Christian counselor. She took a lot of time talking to me about triggers and how to self-soothe from anxious episodes, and she also taught me about co-dependency, something that had plagued the abusive relationship I was in. These are things I would never have figured out on my own. My second counselor was the one who talked to me about leaving a church I called home for the first time due to the stress I was dealing with and the way the situation was being handled-- or else, not handled. It was another thing I hadn't considered doing, but away from an environment considered 'toxic' for me by my counselor, I was able to better heal.

After a year, and slowly waning my sessions down to once every two weeks, I ended my time at counseling as my counselor thought there was nothing further to accomplish for the time being. I was no longer crying every other day. In fact, I remember proudly telling her towards the end that I had gone a whole week without crying-- that was a big step for me given I had cried nearly every day the last two years of the abusive relationship I was in. Given I knew how to self-soothe, my mood had evened out, and my anxiety was under better control, there was no further reason to continue at the time.

I do know, however, it can take more than a year to work through things in counseling. I was incredibly open with both of the women I was paired with, and moreover, I wanted a solution. I've been told by several people that to have a successful experience in counseling, you have to be willing and ready to make changes and move forward. I was tired of the way my life was, I was tired of not liking who I was, and I was very ready. That isn't true for everyone. Some people take more time, and that's okay, but if you go into counseling without being willing to open up and make changes, you might not have a great experience. Finding a counselor you are comfortable with is also an incredibly important factor. If you don't like something about your counselor or you feel uncomfortable, you might want to try to find someone different. This is a person you will be spending a lot of time with and telling a lot of personal things to-- you need someone who you feel absolutely comfortable with.

Finally-- if you are in college or in high school, take advantage of your schools' resources. I know high schools have guidance counselors and they sometimes even have therapists who come a certain number of times a week. They are there to help and will often work as mediators. As for colleges, you can get free counseling services on campus. I think it is limited to once per week through the semester, but that is much better than nothing. If you feel like this is a resource you could use, check on your school website or ask a professor-- they'll know where to direct you.

If you know any organization (scouts, church, etc.) that might be interested in my program, my website with contact is here! To keep up with updates on this blog please feel free to hit the subscribe button in the top right corner to be alerted to new posts! Remember, the first step in solving the problem of teen dating abuse is awareness!