For those of you who follow me on social media, you might already know that last week was a big step for my program! Thanks to the Clarksville Department of Parks and Recreation, I was able to impact a lot of lives by spreading awareness of teen dating abuse. On Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, I spent about an hour with groups in three different locations across the city. The turnout varied from location to location, but they were all fairly large in my opinion. Moreover, they all seemed very engaged, which is always something I try to promote. Losing interest can be incredibly easy when all you are doing is talking-- it doesn't really matter what age group. That is part of the reason why I have started beginning my talk to teens with myths and facts about dating abuse. The way it works is that I tell the group a statement (a myth or fact) and ask the teens to respond by raising their hand if they think the statement is a myth or leaving it down if they think it's a fact. This gets them engaged because they have to listen to make the decision and because they are listening to facts that could directly impact them, such as one in three teenagers suffers abuse from a significant other.Another reason I think the teens stay engaged is that I have worked to put a lot of myself into this program and because I'm upfront with them. When I tell them about emotional abuse and gaslighting, I give them examples of what I experienced first hand. I don't sugarcoat anything, and I don't try to make it seem easy. When I talk about recovery and about speaking up, I tell them how difficult it can be, but I also make it known that there is hope for moving forward. I don't push anyone to talk, but I let them know the reason I talk about recovery is that I don't know who's listening-- given one in three teens are affected, there's a good chance knowing about recovery was of some use to someone I was speaking to. When speaking about the subject of teen dating abuse, I also try to keep it conversational and stay on the level of the teens I'm talking to. While during one of the programs I stayed standing so I could better interact, at the other two we all sat in a circle on the gym floor-- myself included.
Currently, the hardest part of my program to get through is that on sexting and sexual abuse. It's important, and I feel it's necessary to talk about, but it's either met with giggling or else everyone trying to cover their faces. Usually, I can get everyone focused again on the program by being honest. I tell them that it's awkward for me, too, because it honestly is. Talking about things like that with people I don't know is uncomfortable. But it's important. I also let them know that I won't talk much on it, it's just a quick note of things to be aware of should the situation come to that.
Right now I am really happy with what I say with my program, and a few of the teens I spoke with were kind enough to tell me they really enjoyed learning about it, and that I did a good job. I was able to give cards to almost everyone directly, so if one of the teens that heard me speak is reading, maybe you can leave me a tip on something you would have liked to hear more about in the comments section below. Some things I personally want to work on, though, are 1) becoming more interactive and also 2) finding more statistics about men who are abused. I'll explain why.
- Becoming more interactive adds to the engagement I might be able to reach with the teenagers I talk to and better hold their attention. While most of the teens I talked to seemed incredibly interested and engaged, I don't want anyone to be bored and zone out. I'm still trying to think of ways to do this. Already I take pauses to ask for questions (I got more than anticipated this week), but I wonder if maybe I should sprinkle in more myths and facts, or else find a sort of activity like acting out scenes. This might not work well in large groups, but I'll keep brainstorming!
- One of the questions I got while speaking was from a young man and had to do with men in abusive situations. I was able to give a statistic on women, but not men. While there aren't many statistics on male abuse, I would really like to be able to put some facts about abuse against men within my program for when I talk to mixed groups and for if I get the chance to talk to groups of just young men (as I've been able to talk to groups of young women).
After this week, I feel exhilarated. I'm ready to further reach out and hope to start talking to churches about speaking to youth groups. This week reminded me why this is such an incredibly important ministry, not just for myself and my healing but also for others. This past week, I saw teens in the groups with tears in their eyes. I was able to directly talk to people who had either dealt with or knew someone who had dealt with abuse in an intimate/dating relationship, I was able to help give advice and give resources, and I was able to let the teens know that if something happens, they aren't alone. Hearing that you can turn to your parents and friends can be life-changing. Knowing that parts of your relationship are toxic and abusive where you might have seen them as 'normal' can be altering. I hope the teens I spoke to will remember what was talked about, both for themselves and for others.
If you know any organization (scouts, church, etc.) that would like to have me speak on Teen Dating Abuse, please contact me through my website here with your email address. To keep up with updates on this blog please feel free to hit the subscribe button in the top right corner to be alerted to new posts every Monday. Have something you would like to know more about in the future? Leave a comment and I'll do my best to answer right away! Remember, the first step in solving the problem of teen dating abuse is awareness!
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