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What is Digital Abuse?


Technology is a great thing, but it can also be a doorway for methods of abuse that weren't around before it existed. Digital abuse is especially common among teenagers and young adults, along with cyberbullying. According to a study done in 2013 by Urban Institute’s Justice Policy Center, over a quarter of teens in dating relationships suffered from digital abuse-- I can only imagine that number has risen over the years. According to the Institute's study on the topic, "One in four dating teens is abused or harassed online or through texts by their partners, according to the largest survey to date on the subject. Social networking sites, texts, cell phones, and e-mails haven't pushed abuse rates up, but they have given abusers another way to control, degrade, and frighten their partners, even when apart." Some other facts that Urban Institute's Justice Policy Center had on digital abuse of dating are as follows:

  • 84 percent of digital abuse victims said they were also psychologically abused.
  • 52 percent of digital abuse victims said they were also physically abused.
  • 33 percent of digital abuse victims said they were also sexually coerced.  
  • Only 9 percent seek help, and rarely from parents or teachers.
As you can see, digital abuse can lead or be connected to other types of abuse within a teen relationship, and this type of abuse is rarely reported. I remember in high school, things that are in fact considered digital abuse were frequently viewed as 'normal' and after having the chance to talk to both teenagers and parents of teenagers, I've seen that many young people still do perceive things such as allowing their significant other access to all of their social media and phone passwords as 'normal'. Using a list provided by the Hotline, I want to go over some of the signs of digital abuse that I personally experienced during my time in an abusive relationship.


Steals or insists to be given your passwords.

As I already mentioned, this is a very common occurrence within digitally abusive relationships. Abusers want to know everything their victim is doing and control their activity. Having the passwords to their victim's phone and social media passwords allow them to go through text/messenger conversations, pictures, email, anything, which could prevent a victim reaching out for help or else cause the victim to receive further abuse for talking to someone the abuser doesn't want them to. My abuser would always demand to know my phone password and check through who I was texting and Snapchatting, though I was not allowed to so much as touch his phone without being scolded by him. If I changed the password, he would question why I did so. I remember one time getting into a fight about this, where I told him he shouldn't have to check through my phone if he trusted me. After an incredible amount of harassment on the subject, I eventually gave him my new password.

Trust is a foundation in relationships of any kind. The insistence or stealing of a password is an indicator that trust doesn't exist within the relationship, and it is something that should be taken into consideration before you continue forward in a relationship.

Looks through your phone frequently, checks up on your pictures, texts and outgoing calls.

This was often what my abuser wanted my password for, the ability to check who I was texting, and he often would. If he ever saw that I had texted another guy or one of my friends that he didn't like, he would immediately become angry with me. If I received a text from someone while he was with me, he would usually be the first to read it. Someone looking through their significant other's phone circles back to a lack of trust.

Constantly texts you and makes you feel like you can’t be separated from your phone for fear that you will be punished

This is one is often normalized, especially in teen relationships. Cellphones have made it possible to stay in constant contact, but that isn't always wanted. In the abusive relationship I was in, I was afraid of not texting my abuser back quickly, especially when I got into college. It would lead to punishments like silent treatments or else interrogations about where I had been because in his eyes he was meant to be my main priority (which he proved by convincing me to quit my job to spend more time with him). As the other two, this is a sign of lack of trust. Usually, constant texts are used to keep tabs on the victim and as a form of continued control.

Sends unwanted, explicit pictures and demands you send some in return and Pressures you to send explicit video.

I believe the app Snapchat has contributed to this immensely. It seems 'safer' to a lot of teenagers since the pictures will go away, whether they wanted to send them in the first place or not. I always remind the teens I talk to that they are under no obligation at any time to send these sort of things, and that they could get into trouble for it as well. Sexting of any kind is not at all necessary to a relationship, especially not a young one, and moreover, no one has the right to force another person into sending something like that if it is uncomfortable.  

There are more ways that digital abuse can take place on social media. As my abuser didn't use most forms of it, I was not personally effected, but I still want to list them out.
  • Tells you who you can or can’t be friends with on Facebook and other sites
  • Sends negative, insulting or even threatening emails, Facebook messages, tweets, DMs or other messages online
  • Uses sites like Facebook, Twitter, foursquare and others to keep constant tabs on you. The SnapMap on Snapchat can also be used for this purpose.
  • Puts you down in their status updates
  • Tags you unkindly in pictures on Instagram, Tumblr, etc.
Digital abuse is something that has only grown with the rise of technology, and something that is often overlooked, even by those who experience it. The video attached is one made by LoveIsRespect.org. I encourage parents of teenagers and teenagers to take a moment to watch it, as it goes over digital abuse as well. 

 If you know any organization (scouts, church, etc.) that would like to have me speak on Teen Dating Abuse, please contact me through my website here with your email address. To keep up with updates on this blog please feel free to hit the subscribe button in the top right corner to be alerted to new posts every Monday. Have something you would like to know more about in the future? Leave a comment and I'll do my best to answer right away! Remember, the first step in solving the problem of teen dating abuse is awareness!

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