Unmasking the Abuser || TedTalk

This week, I really wanted to share Dina McMillan's Ted Talk on Unmasking the Abuser. Having talked with men who abuse their partners, she has a lot to say on what to look out for in order to completely prevent an abusive relationship from starting. Using the points of Too Much, Too Soon, and Transformation, McMillan really makes her point known. I can see a lot of what happened to me in what she describes in the video.

If you know any organization (scouts, church, etc.) that would like to have me speak on Teen Dating Abuse, please contact me through my website here with your email address. To keep up with updates on this blog please feel free to hit the subscribe button in the top right corner to be alerted to new posts every Monday. Have something you would like to know more about in the future? Leave a comment and I'll do my best to answer right away! Remember, the first step in solving the problem of teen dating abuse is awareness!

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What is Traumatic Bonding?

Many people outside of an abusive relationship often don't understand why a victim doesn't just leave. I have covered the topic of exactly why it isn't always as simple as breaking up-- or moving out in the case the victim is already living with their abuser-- in a former blog post ( click here! ) but today I really want to discuss in depth one of the lesser thought of factors. I mentioned in last week's post, What is the Cycle of Abuse, that the abuse cycle can bring on something known as 'traumatic bonding.' This is something most abuse victims, myself included, fall to unknowingly. In his book The Abusive Personality: Violence and Control in Intimate Relationships , Donald Dutton writes, "This process [traumatic bonding] is an attachment to the abuser formed by the prior power differential in the relationship coupled with intermittent abuse. The result is a powerful attachment bond that begins to operate on the abuse victim with time away from the a...

My Experience with Counseling

I think that going to a counselor was one of the best things I did after exiting the abusive relationship I was involved in. It wasn't something I had really considered, and I am not sure if it was something I would have gone to without being pushed. After something such as an abusive relationship, it's hard to figure out exactly what to do. I had kept so many things to myself, both out of shame and fear. I would never have thought to go tell all of what I felt to someone I didn't know. Moreover, I wasn't exactly in the headspace to make good decisions. I was in a spiral. I honestly don't remember much of the time directly after ending my relationship, but I do remember the first day I went to see my first counselor. I had a sort of block class-- meaning it was two separate classes that fit together with the same teacher. I had missed the first of them, having hidden in the courtyard of the science building to cry. I did come to the second part though. I didn...

The Best Thing I've Heard at Church

As those of you who know me personally might know, I recently started going regularly to a new church. I don't know what made this one stick, having gone to different churches before. I like the style of the services, how the pastor sticks with a certain lesson throughout. I like how community-oriented the church is, something I felt was missing from my old home church. There were places I could see myself fitting in-- and I have taken the steps to join into my new church, and am so grateful to have a place in the teen leadership. But last Sunday, the pastor said some things while talking about First Peter Chapter Two, a lesson called 'There is Purpose in our Pain.' If you want to hear the full sermon, please check it out here -- it's really good-- but my main focus is on what my pastor said about abuse . I can say with certainty, I have never heard a church take such a strong and outspoken stand on this topic-- in fact, a stance on abuse is why I left a church in t...

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