Speak Up. Stand Tall.

Chapter Four of The Abusive Personality: Violence and Control in Intimate Relationships  by Donald G. Dutton starts with the author looking back on past interviews, writing, "As I look now at the interview notes I took from female partners of our clients, the phrases jump off the page at me: "He's like two different people," "He's like Jekyll and Hyde," "He's completely different sometimes..."" These continue on finishing with the phrase, "He's like living on an emotional roller coaster." 'The Cycle of Violence,' or 'The Cycle of Abuse,' was something I learned about after leaving my abusive ex. And it is something I want to share more because I remember thinking "This explains so much."  The chart to the right is one of the more detailed versions of this cycle which can be seen in three stages-- occasionally more, but these three encompass the big points. These stages explain what the auth...

I hope everyone is having a fantastic week! I have decided this year that I want to branch out a little in my blog and while the focus will still stay on teen dating abuse and domestic violence, I want to touch on topics such as mental health and my own life as I move forward as a survivor. 2019 marks my third year out of an abusive relationship, but more importantly, it marks my third year of building myself up and becoming more confident. This year, I think my word is decidedly confidence -- and it's shown up a few times in just these first few weeks. Even three years out of the relationship with my abuser, there are still lingering wounds. One of these has been affecting me for far too long and I finally found it within myself to address it. Something my abuser used to do very often was threaten to leave me whenever he was slightly upset with me. While he sadly never carried through on this threat, it really managed to tear me down. I would look at the years I put into th...

The New Year is always an incredibly exciting time, both to look forward to the future and reflect on the past. 2018 was such a big year for my platform, Speak Up Stand Tall, and I'd really like to look back on all the amazing things I've been able to do and be part of. First of all, last year in February I started this blog! And it got a lot of things moving. Because of my blogging, I was able to see the need for people like myself to speak out or risk being silenced. I also saw how much support poured in to lift me up in some of the darkest moments. With my actual speaking program, I was able to talk to so many wonderful teens! The first of these was at the Clarksville Public Library on May 3rd. This was so important as I saw which areas of my program I wanted to build on and this helped exponentially when I spoke at the Clarksville Department of Parks and Recreation's summer programs! Those were by far the largest groups I have seen so far, and while I was incredibly...

One thing I think is really important to spreading awareness about teen dating abuse-- or any  abuse --  is not just sharing one story. Abuse comes in many forms and every case is different. Sometimes, that makes it hard for people, especially teenagers, to understand what is happening to them is abuse. I have mentioned before that a lot of people, myself included at a young age, think that an abuser is someone who inflicts physical damage such as slapping or punching. However, the truth is that abuse comes in a wide variety of hateful behaviors. Physical abuse, emotional/mental abuse, verbal abuse, digital abuse, and sexual abuse. While I have described my experience dealing with all of these, it hardly covers the topic. As I said, every case is different. I've talked to other survivors and we all have different stories, usually with some commonalities, but never exactly the same. There is no sheet to show 'this is exactly what abuse looks like.' Sometim...

Factors such as pop culture have portrayed overbearing love, a toxic picture that is incredibly impressionable. Addictive love, according to In Love and in Danger: A Teen's Guide to Breaking Free of Relationship Abuse, is one of two possibilities in a blooming romantic relationship that can lead to real trouble. While author Barrie Levy MSW notes that every relationship experiencing addictive love is not abusive, there is a much higher risk that it will become abusive. These relationships are defined by controlling behaviors, and the addiction is visible from both sides. Are you suffering from addictive love?  If you believe you cannot live without your significant other, you are suffering from addictive love. You might be hurt, and you might miss your boyfriend or girlfriend if they were gone, but you would be able to move forward. A belief that you cannot live without another person is unhealthy for you and your significant other and can lead to codependen...

I believe the more stories one can hear about teen dating violence/abuse, the more aware one can be. Briana Neben explains her own journey through abuse when she was a teenager to the point where she realized she needed to get away from her abuser. Though she was in an abusive household, Neben wasn't able to see her own abusive situation until a friend approached her. Neben speaks mainly about prevention-- how parents and community members can help teens not fall victim to dating abuse by raising awareness and having those awkward conversations. She also talks about the importance of positive affirmation for one's self, and ends with 'end the cycle of teen dating violence.' Please take time to watch this amazing speaker and please take a moment to share what you've heard. You never know who you might help. If you know any organization (scouts, church, etc.) that would like to have me speak on Teen Dating Abuse, please contact me through my website here with y...

I cannot begin to say how many people said I needed to 'just move on' after I broke up with my abuser. I think it's a common mistake of people who have never been in an abusive relationship to think that if you are still dealing with the effects of abuse that you aren't over the relationship at all. Personally, I didn't miss my abuser once he was gone. Whenever someone told me to 'move on' I told them I had, that I had no intention of looking back and that my abuser-- quite plainly-- disgusted me. I didn't want him back in my life, and while I didn't want to think of him, I was having anxiety that manifested into an incredible amount of paranoia and fear. Sometimes these feeling would come out of nowhere, and sometimes they were triggered. For nearly a month, I could hardly eat anything without feeling sick. I was suffering from PTSD, or post-traumatic stress disorder, because of what my abuser put me through. Yet there were still people telling me t...